Rescue Rangers and other used personages, except mass
scenes participants, are (c) The Walt Disney Company and are
used here without their permission.
This text may be freely distributed (but not modified)
only if there is no commercial gain acquired by it. If you
plan to place it somewhere on the net, please let me know at
toona@chat.ru.
This translation done for the pure enjoyment of Eng-
lish-speaking fans by Aivars Liepa.
Scene: Rescue Rangers Headquarters, main room. Dale is
sitting on the sofa and reading big book. Enters Chip.
Chip: What are you reading, Dale?
Dale: "The Ballad about the Honoured Earl and Lady..."
Chip: "...LongTail"? Hey, let that fairy tale down, you
cant find something more worth reading or what?
Dale: And what's, may I ask, is wrong with the "Ballad"?
Chip; This is for the kiddies.
Dale (a bit angry): Are you saying, that I'm a kiddie?
Chip: I didn't say that.
Dale (angered): You said!
Chip: Dale, for such a junk...
Dale (angered even more): This isn't 'junk'! Knights of
the White Castle are real heroes! All enemies of them are sha-
king in fear and crawl into their holes...
Enters Gadget, turns on TV, and then notices book on the
sofa.
Gadget: Oh, so you, Dale, are reading the new book?
Dale: Gadget! Chip is saying that it is just a junk!
Gadget: Don't be so categorical, Chip. I liked it.
Chip: But Gadget, it's the ...
Dale: Ch...Chiip!! What's this?!!
The book on the sofa jumps a bit. All rangers look at it.
Chip: Did it do so before?
Gadget: I didn't notice. I need look closer.
Gadget bends to have a closer look at the book
Gadget: Interesting... I don't see vires that may explain
the jumping of the book...
Monty (entering room): Well, again no task for the Ran-
gers? Zipper, my lad, lets pay a visit to... (notices Gadget,
khmms) ...well, the pretty cool place, I meant.
Dale: Look there, Monty!
Monty (pragmatically): Well, once I knew a Jamaican jum-
ping Frog, then she ...
Chip: It is glowing!"
Dale: Mommy!
Gadget: Interesting, it may be some composite of phosp-
hor, I will take a bit for the analysis...
Zipper zumms warning and shakes head. To the horror of
all present heroes, Gadget jumps and catches the book. It
opens.
Flash of light.
Rangers are falling into rainbow depth.
Impact.
Silence.
* * *
Scene: big and old forest, illuminated by the few sun ra-
ys falling thry the leaves. In distance sing birds. Rescue
Rangers are shattered sitting and lying around the small hol-
low into various poses, except Chip, who isn't visible.
Gadget grimmacing pulls from under herself a pine cone.
Gadget: Where we are?
Regards the pinecone with disgusting look.
Dale: I don't know, but I think, that was magical book.
Gadget: Don't be naive, Dale, there isn't such a thing as
magic.
Monty stands up, revealing below himself a Zipperpancake.
Picks it up and shakes, so that he regains normal form.
Monty: Sorry, pal, it just happened...
Zipper (clearly): It's nothing.
Monty (looking around): Well, and where is our fearless
leader?
From the higher up cames crack, followed by scream. Se-
cond later Chip lands face-first and stays lying on the gro-
und.
Gadget: Gosh, hip, are you okay?
Chip slowly comes to his senses.
Chip; Ooh, long time I didn't fell hurt SO bad...
Gadget: Gosh, you are fine?
Monty (after quick check on Chip): Hands, legs and all
else still where they need be.
Chip stands up. He is swinging slightly.
Chip: No, Gadget, don't worry, its all fine with me.
Scene pulls away to take in the all surroundings in aro-
und the Rangers. They are surrounded by the mighty trees, sun
is in zenith. The Rangers look terribly small against the
background.
Chip (in raised voice): Well, and where we are now? And
where the TV vent?
Gadget: Chip, do You fell okay?
Chip stumbles over the pinecone, Gadget had dropped ear-
lier, falls down, but immediately jumps back to feet.
Chip (not so sure anymore): Darn, how we get here, whene-
ver it be?
Monty (to Gadget): He is getting better.
Dale (sitting on one of lower tree branches): Wow! Guys,
come here quick!
* * *
Scene: Rangers sitting on a branch high in the tree. The
hollow in the tree over the branch resembles 'uncivilised'
version of their headquarters. All around them on all directi-
ons stretches virgin forest.
Gadget (voice from the hole): Boys, it resembles me our
headquarters.
Chip (looking into hole): What?
Monty: Crashing me crikeys, its either not New York, or
we are in a very deep trouble!
Dale: Why, Monty?
Monty: Do you see any skyscrapers nearby?
Dale: No....
Gadget's voice now comes from a higher up, she is looking
out from another hole in the tree - possibly second exit of
same hole.
Gadget: Well, you sure have a point, Monty. I can see a
medieval castle not far away. Over it hangs a banner.
Dale (appear near Gadget): Hurrah! At last I will became
a knight, Gadget!
Chip (still on lower branch): Why you thing so, Dale?
Dale: If there is castle, there has to be knights! What
if we landed into the book?
Gadget: Oh my gosh! That's terrible!
Dale: But You said you liked the book!
Gadget: Well, I liked it, really, but not THAT much!
* * *
Scene: trail in the forest. Rangers are walking, Chip le-
ading the way. They stop, and Gadget with the spyglass climbs
up in the tree.
Dale: You sure know which way to go?
Chip: AS I remember, someone claimed to know all trails
and roads there...
Dale: But, Chip, I didn't think...
Monty: Forget that, it's already too late. Gadget, what
do you see?
Gadget sits on the branch high in the tree. Far below are
visible intrigued faces of other Rangers.
Dale sniffs something and walks off the trail.
Gadget: I see same castle, but it's now closer. We are
going right way.
Chip: Already feeling better...
Gadget: and I also see a road ahead!
Dale steps out from the bushes with hands full with ripe
nuts.
Dale: Food there is great. Any wants to join? Monty?
Dale starts to crack nuts.
Chip: We don't have time for this, we need to find some
warlock, wizard or magician to get us back! You want to be
stuck here forever?
Dale: E, Chip, I didn't mean that...
Gadget slides down the tree.
Gadget: Quick, boys, I saw something moving on the road,
if we hurry up, we can catch up with it and find something!
Monty (watching the deep forest): As I remember how many
enemies we had in the New York...
Zipper pulls him by the collar.
Monty: Sorry, pal, I'm coming.
Monty and Zipper hurry after the rest.
* * *
Scene: Big opening into the forest. The dusty road is
stretching over it, coming out and disappearing into the fo-
rest. On the road, moving toward Rangers, is visible a closed
equipage in dark colour, followed by a lone rider. (Take eit-
her Shaka-Baka or Arnold Mousenegger, place it into a
press-formed tin can, and You will get the picture of rider).
Dale: It's the vapen of Longtails.
Chip: Hey! Stop!
Rider stops and pulls out a dangerous looking longsword.
Rider: Who arest thou? (See note 2) Answer, or pay for
insult with yer holed skin!
Dale: Wow! The real knight!
Chip: I see. Don't be afraid, we...
Rider: Take that back, or I will make thee shorter for a
head, dumb serf! Nobody dared to call Earl to be afraid of so-
mething and nobody ever will!!!
Chip (shocked, and a bit terrified): I'm sorry, I didn't
want to...
Monty (whispering to Zipper and Dale): That knight looks
TOO real...
Earl (proudly): Thus apology is accepted. Are thou a bo-
dyguard of this beautiful lass?
Chip: We are Rescue Rangers, and we are heading toward
the castle...
Into the carriage doors a delicate hand pulls away the
draperies, and from it hangs out another Gadget into the
dress. Well, into the dress popular at the XIII-XV centuries.
Chip notices this and near losses breath.
Chip: ...Longtail.
LongTail (into Lawhinees voice): Who are they, Earl?
Earl: They are calling themselves 'rescue rangers', my
lady!
LongTail: Must be monks then, and that word the name of
their orden.
Earl: They don't look like monks, my lady.
LongTail: You are too suspicious, my dear Earl. Came clo-
ser, rescue rangers.
Dale (into awe): Chipper, it's the Floe LongTail perso-
nally!
Floe LongTail (wondered): You know my name?
Dale: Yes, we read...
Chip paws Dales mouth close.
Monty makes a deep bow to Floe.
Monty: We have heard much about your immense beauty, lady
LongTail, but the rumours pale compared to the reality.
Zipper too tries to explore a sort of a bowing.
Floe (to Gadget): What's your name, young mouse? You have
strange dress on you, are you a monk too?
Gadget (looking at the ground): A bit... I'm Gadget Hack-
wrench.
Floe: Newer heard about the clan with such surname, but I
can feel a pure blood in you. Well, you sure cant be enemies,
this much I can tell. Why you want to visit my castle?
Dale: We are looking for a warlock!
Floe: WARLOCK?!!
Earl (threateningly): If Yer as much as TRY to cast
spells on Lady LongTail, I will cut yer all in pieces by this
there sword! And I will start with thee... (points at Chip)
Floe: Calm down, dear Earl. They aren't dangerous.
Chip (watching the sword making figures of eight into
Earls' paws): No, no, no, you misunderstood us! (Hisses at Da-
le) Shut up and stay out of the talks, do me a favour! (turns
back to Floe) We are... cursed... sortof... (watches reaction
of Earl and Floe)
Earl lowers the sword, Floe listens carefully.
Chip (more strongly): ...we really need a help by someone
who knows magic, to uncurse us...
Chip freezes, awaiting the explosion from Earl.
Floe: I understand you well, dear traveller. I know a
warlock, he lives nearby. I will try to talk with him and ask
him to help you. Earl, this young lady will sit with me, ot-
hers will follow us on foot. We are returning.
Earl: Yes, my lady!
Dale: So Gadget will get the first class travel, but we
all again on out twos?
Chip (angry): Shut up! All because of your stupid book!
Dale: My stupid book?
Chip: Who got it to the headquarters? I did?
Dale (angering up too): And so you say that I...
Zipper buzzs warning at the Dale's nose.
Monty: Excellent, a 'munk fight is all we really need
now! We are all into same boat, together we got in, together
we will get out! Your differences you will discuss when we be
home.
The carriage turns around and drives back, Earl riding at
the side of it. Monty and Chip are walking after it, zipper
sitting on Monty's shoulder. Dale stands on the road.
Dale (sighting sadly): Really, why did I take this book
from library?
Dale notices that the equipage and his friends have near
reached the forest, and brokes in the run after them.
* * *
Scene: The big holl into the Castle LongTail. The walls
are covered with the swords, spears, maces and other weaponry
of the Dark Ages, mixed between ornated shields and tapestri-
es. Between all the oddities hang... a long surfboard with
scratches, like it was once used as a shield.
The feast is into full bloom. The servants are busy car-
rying new dishes from the kitchen and filling up the cups of
the guests with the 'refreshing' (See note 3) The local mice
and chipmunks (some into the armours, but most dressed much
simpler) aren't eating but "stuffing themselves with edibles"
and aren't drinking, but "pouring in themselves the contents
of the cups like there is no tomorrow". The bones and anything
uneatable fly under the tables, they use hands to tear at the
food, licking them off after.
Into the multicoloured mob it is hard to notice Dale and
Monty. Gadget - with Zipper on shoulder - and Chip are sitting
on the raised up part of the hall, on the both sides of Floe,
as guests of honour.
Gadget: And these are your servants, lady...
Floe (into tone of phrase "Just like sisters"): don't be
so ceremonial, call me just floe. Yes, these are my trusty
servants, ready to die for me, if necessary.
Dale (from the common hall): Can I become your knight,
Floe?
Holl explodes into guffaws and roaring laughs.
Chip: Dale!
Floe (to Dale, after laughing has ended): It isn't easy
to become a knight, monk.
Chip: We are Rescue Rangers, Lady Floe, and no one of us
will attempt to break our code of honour.
Chip casts a stern look at the Dale. Dale notices it and
near chokes with the half-eaten radish in mouth.
Chip: Even if someone tries time from time.
Dale lovers eyes.
Earl comes to the high back of Floes chair and whispers
something into her ear. Zipper perks up, listening. Floe nods.
Floe (to Chip and Gadget): Well, it is settled then. Your
rooms are ready.
* * *
The story ends there. But the story isn't finished!
The story has to be continued.
If some of you, readers, will want to write the continua-
tion, the author will only warmly greet such an attempts. He
just asks to send copies of the endings to him at the address
TOONA@CHAT.RU.
If You want to publish your endings at Your WWW pages,
please let me know the addresses.
Translator's notes.
1. I found, that Lawainee's method of describing the
things with long descriptions works quite fine. ;-) Due lack
of some words into my vocabularies, I had to use that tricks a
few times.
2. Just to make a bit of the fun, I entered a few archaic
phrases, like 'thou', 'thee', 'thus' - the old forms of second
person singular into the speech of Earl.
3. The original was 'poilo' - a snickering name for vari-
ous drinks of low quality - home-made beer, vine and other al-
coholic beverages. Closest equivalent may be the drinks served
in times of 'dry law' in America. All the description of the
feast and feasters is a snickering of the how the Hollywood
and cinema in general had 'polished' up the laws and habits of
the chivalry.
|